Dating: to go out on usually romantic dates (taken from Webster's dictionary--real descriptive huh?). It is a word that strikes terror in some and excitement in others. It's another question on which the Bible speaks not. The reason being that dating is a rather new phenomenon, and thus the Biblical writers had no concept of seeing someone without being engaged to them. However, perspectives can be gleaned on this subject by looking closely at the principles presented in the Bible.

But, an even more pressing question for many is "Ok, I'm dating, but how far is too far physically"? Dating is problematic because one usually dates several people before settling down and marrying one, so there is the potential of givinng a piece of yourself away to several people, thus leaving one's spouse with a used and weathered heart.

• One view, the most common, is that dating is "just for fun" and is a way to get to know people and discover what kind of person you want to marry. It can take many different forms, from just taking someone out on the town for a night to "going steady," which means forming an exclusive dating relationship with that person.
• Another view is that dating leads to heartbreak and is inherently faulty for finding a suitable marriage partner. This is because dating can be a preparation for divorce because it involves breaking up when the going gets tough. It also likely leads to giving oneself emotionally and physically. Thus, young people are encouraged to practice Courtship (What exactly this is, besides dating with Christian morals and a purpose, is fuzzy) and waiting to practice Courtship until marriage is a forseeable option (within the next couple of years). Before Courtship young people are encouraged to get to know others of the opposite sex through group activities and friendships. (See the References page for references)
• Still, another view is that one should not date at all because of its dangers and that instead one ought to leave it in the hands of God. It is a bit dubious, however, that God will plop someone in our laps if we are doing nothing (is it likely God would give someone a job if they don't go out and look for one?). (Reference)
• For "how far is too far" some say no physical contact should be had before marriage because we are to "flee" (2 Tim. 2:22), and physical contact is playing with the embers of a fire; one will eventually get burned. (See the References page for references)
• Another view for "how far is too far" is that there is nothing inherently evil about physical contact, and thus is OK if handled responsibly. My youth pastor's advice was "don't do anything you would be uncomfortable doing in front of your parents." However, I feel pretty uncomfortable just holding hands in front of my mom, so that maxim can be difficult. The difficulty with this view is that it takes maturity and responsibility on the part of those dating. But does not God call us to grow up and be mature and responsible? (See the References page for references)

• Are there defining characteristics that one could formulate to define Christian dating or Courtship?
• What is the best level of physical intimacy for minimizing regrets further down the road, while still enjoying youth?

Dating is something that has been a learning process for me. I began with the "it's just for fun" view of dating, but then saw how much it could hurt others, and so decided dating involved too much pain for being "just for fun." I toyed with the idea of not dating at all, but found it rather impractical. My view now is that God has created us to have relationships with the opposite sex and that it is a good thing to get to know the opposite sex, either through friendship or dating. Many problems are caused by lack of communication and misunderstanding between the sexes.

However, in dating I think it important to take it seriously since it can involve so much pain, and thus only engage in it if marriage is a viable option. Additionally I think it important for God to be the foundation of a dating relationship, because everything else about us is much too fickle. Finally, the New Testament's principle of respecting others, loving them as Christ loved them, and desiring the best for them should be paramount when dating.

On "how far is too far" I have also gone back and forth. First I believe that one must determine one's standard of how far one will go physically before entering a dating relationship. This standard should then be discussed early in the relationship in order to keep communication open (one of the most important elements of a relationship), and develop a standard that is right for both people in the relationship. Finally, as to my standard, I have limited it to kissing (without too much intimacy), due to my desire to not give away or take anything away from my girlfriend which would later be regretted.